Such is the effectiveness of gas lighting by a cheater! Textbook red flags that I simply never recognized because? Jennifer violated no. She has been distant the whole time showing little affection and behavior that she loves me. What a coward!! Its a game of survival. I know it doesnt seem like it but you are my dear. Unlike you, my H is only feeling entitled. I just hope you feel you are doing the best thing for your situation and handling it well. H wont get help and thinks he has done everything in the M so is justified for his dummy spit. What a mess right. I cant go through the final disappointment over and over. I would genuinely like to hear your reason for discounting the feelings of those who dont comment. My world falled down, I dont know what to do. The person sitting on the tracks sees a clear horizon and believes it is safe to be parked in that spot since there is not train coming along.

Forced into a split reality, one in which the person is as vulnerable and victimised as they wish you to believe and the other in which you see shadowy, fleeting signs of something else entirely: This leads to crushing feelings of frustrating isolation as you feel like you are the only one on the planet who can see this gaping disparity in the person and its impossible to explain to anyone not experiencing the abuse directlyAs though following some kind of sick Covert Narcissists Guidebook To Abuse they follow a protocol of denial, contempt, reframing, reblaming and shaming the person who presents them with evidence of their lies. So how about go away for the weekend. Im wondering what your therapist said / did for you that made you stay together in your M? Hardly seems worth it but it is. Something to consider through this: no matter the outcome of your marriage, this is a chance for a new beginning. Then it continued: Hey, you know theyre all the same and you know youre doing better on your own so dont buy in. So we have R but it is a long hard road at times. Sounds like narcissistic abuse And manipulation from what you shared. Forgive them. Yay. Thanks again TFW for your clear perspective. R is hard. He did not choose to open up to anyonebut we are still making progress to this day. I wonder what he heard. Your spouse is the problem and your spouse chose his or her behavior. Is it drugs or depression or some addiction or some other mental issue? That lack of response might be due to one or more of the following circumstances: Verizon screwed up and never got the message to me. Let us know when you get back. Like, um, do you think he needed a hobby or something??? counseling saved my sanity and kept things in check. Its almost like Im split into two people. Its weurd and liberating all at the same time. In Runaway Bride, Meloni played Coach Bob, Maggie's would-be fourth groom before Ike came into the picture. D is hard. And I was there pouring my heart out to her hysterically crying worried about what was going on for my then supposedly sick and clearly fucked up H (we know why now). I could see him bristle. I made him sign a post nup as a condition of trying to R. I protected myself financially (and my children) as well. Satori If the girlfriend is younger, he will start acting younger, listening to her tastes in music, socializing with her circle of friends, and dressing youthfully to blend in more with his new lifestyle. I dismissed it from my mind. Or at the first sign of challenges or issues that are being faced will he bolt? Then there was my grandfathermy fathers father. And then I stormed off. When I told him to leave b/c I was divorcing him he realized I was past the rational stage and he ended the A and never looked back. You are now the head of the household. And with that, my great, great grandmother swam out to the steamboat as her daughter watched her be pulled aboard by the crew. I also stated that I deserve a lot more than what he thinks I should have. First kine should read sorry not dirty. H wanted an OW who said yes to everything, never challenging him, and putting up with his self-described nastiness. And indeed he got exactly what he was looking for. I still am I think. Theres nothing wrong with a little help from meds but you have to make sure they are the right ones. So crazy! 20 steps forward 5 steps back. My wife quit counseling because she didnt like or mesh with our counselor. 2015 was a wreck. Yep its all about cash and his / their dream. He is not committing to anything. Good for them. My father contracted covid and was in the ICU on a ventilator fighting for his life.
To be fair to him, he stuck it out with me for 3 hours and this time he didnt try to run away or to bail on any of the subjects raised. I wonder if his new state of mind is here to stay and as everyone has noted, whether or not it now seems too late / too hard / too humiliating for my H to try again in our M. The current actions say he is moving forward alone. Pray. No superfluous info (BIFF) It is a choice to forgive and let go. Its battling windmills to they to equate it to any other reasons. Memes are not proprietary I dont believe and they are everywhere. That about killed me. Im trying to communicate there are serious issues here. LOL close enough!!! I dont know if MLC is diagnosable by an expert or if it even is described as a DSM in the psychology handbook like narcissism or cluster b personality etc.

I am going through my own hell, as you can read above, and I am a newbie to this stuff, but I will say that TryingHard, ShiftingImpressions are very wise. Ok so underlying the three words secretive, dismissive, smug is this really really painful one: contempt. Had the great kids, house etc. 10 Possibilities, Is It Possible to Ease the Fear of Death? They say people become like the 5 people closest to them. You have offered (and your family) to help him in so many ways. Hi TryingHard, But little by little youll start healing. Be mysterious about that. According to Doug there are plenty of people who come to this site who never comment. You see if he went to MC he would have to fess up everything. Hes minimizing what he did and shifting the focus. So I think every BS will attest the H becomes someone unrecognizable. ! My response was Why didnt you just tell me in plain English. He doesnt think he has done anything wrong (SMH) so I doubt he will entertain MC or IC. In any event I think you need to re-group and move.

No, good gawd no. And that is a horrible thing to experience. With the infidelity split being almost an equal split between genders that are many culpable women out there. It works in that he already got the effect (in his mind) by saying that he had to move further away (justification) and frankly being a drama queen for as you say, attention. I dont like taking anything thats not natural but I am desperate for unconsciousness and living on the edge. Seriously Trying Hard and Puzzled we just overlapped. The middle of June I had enough. I cant be nice, it drives him away. According to her, Mason negotiated a deal for $500,000 and then used the money to buy a house, in his name only, from which he later evicted Wilbanks. This game is so unnecessary but I think you need to make him reach out to you at all times. The harsh truth for me is, he left under a false pretext giving me no notice and no explanation but regardless he didnt give me a backward glance. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself, deep down I never thought my wife would come back to us. Maybe all of the above. How couldnt she simply look at her daughter and say youre breaking your vows and destroying your life? Whats it look like?? And today received the nicest loving-est text from my H I have had in 6 weeks. WellI dont have to swearI know youll do it for me..Lol!!! Second, do not take the blame upon yourself. Its like agame for them.

Whether my marriage survived or ended, I wanted to be the husband/dad that Id always been.
I already had an early MIL encounter early in the A (before Dday) and my MIL said to me; You and I are very different Satori, Im a realist. Literally. Well I knew a little bit about addiction as far as alcohol and drugs and what happened there.

He thinks he really knows you. When I would express Youre hurting me, the response would be, Whatever hurt you think you may be experiencing is your own imagination.. I stressed myself out about the whole forgiveness thing. In the past, I read that most mens worst fear is ending up alone. thats when I came back and blew. The selfish version of who he has become is extremely hard to love. Satori. Wow. And it seems from what you say that when left to their own devices, as per your sons case whom you were not as involved, D seems imminent then. It even made me laugh as I pictured that mountain of clothes being watered. Thats the sting in my heart still. You are perfect in His eyes and His love cannot be broken. I know what youre feeling being gone. 9. What is my point? He immediately went NC with her. Oh boy. This will be natural. You have to think, what is it I want from him by challenging him? Hes making the moves. And screwing up my dear DILs life. Learn the damn lesson. He is playing pity games but I am NOT buying it. Its peace of mind for sure and as Ive had so little of that its a welcome change! But this time there would be no trauma or drama. A dose of heavy reality, as TryingHard mentioned, might be a necessary circuit breaker. Good he should be. Hindsight, as they say, is 20/20. My lawyer is making certain if that. D-day 2 of finally discovering the A was June 2015. Big mess. Thank you for the positive wishes and thoughts. When Trying Hard asked me to come up with some of the stupid things my husband said I went back to my journal that I kept.

I hope he will get so afraid of going forward for the legal scenario. He made sure I could get time off work to attend his graduation. he cries but is it from remorse or from his own pity party. My therapist told me that he has seen more mid life crises ruin lives and fsmilies more than anything. You can call it what you want. Thank you for talking about the possible narcissistic connection because even before I read this article I was beginning to have my hunches that my ex is a narcissist. Certainly from an outsiders perspective, H is doing a scorched earth on a pretty awesome situation where he has had an amazing amount of freedom and a material comfort level that most would be beyond grateful for. And Id love to hear what your wife said too, LOL SI OK so I pasted your response and Im going to type my equivalence next to it. But finally faced with the music ie the real me and the real feelings I have about him, for the first time he suggested marriage counselling. ???? He agreed to sign the paperwork in a couple of days when he comes over to do some business stuff.

Regarding the sharing of what you are going through..I have found the opposite to be true. But, half the time, at the appointed time, she would bow out as she just didnt quite feel like it. If you are SO UNHAPPY (for years) why is this the first I am hearing about it? When my DIL called me to tell me what shed found in the computer I was pissed and I let her know I was pissed at him and I let him know I was pissed at him. They spent a week together. My point is how is your wifes behavior any different than another person having an affair that isnt considered MLC? Its a good thing to remind myself of the less than actions. Ugh. FURIOUS. What your spouse chose to do was cruel and it does not reflect on you as a person. My son who divorced didnt let me get involved much.

Like never. Even for business. She showed no sign of caring if I left. Satori Not everyone deals with pain the same way you deal with it. Thank you for being so incredible TryingHard. Getting away might be a great idea for you. We throw them a rope but they dont see it. You have offered grace. Thanks to your consistently uplifting replies to me, I am in a way better place than I was or would have been. Well he got it in spades!!! Now she is desperately seeking a male companion to cure her loneliness. BUT you can change your reaction to her. Satori deserves to be smacked down hard for bringing to our attention the bad upbringing GoldenCHild had because we are all functioning alcoholics and doubly so for letting us know that GoldenCHild is too since he learned it from us. You are not saying you are giving up on your marriage you are just going to be making it very clear that the status quo is no longer. I pray you receive Gods Grace to do the humanly impossible. Lawyers and accountants are now doing their ritualistic dance. It is just not real their relationship is built on fluff and fantasy. Choose your path and trust your decisions. Cheating is never acceptable but cheating in and of itself doesnt have to be a deal breaker. Its only a site I came across in recent weeks, so while Im not naming names, I could literally chart that they are monitoring this thread in particular and are taking exact ideas from here almost word for word (I saw at least 3 that were undoubtedly inspired from posts of mine) and running with them on their money earning blog. I suffered through this pretty much alone and it would have been a relief to be able to dump all of my frustrations and uncertainty onto an objective therapist. I dont know. Well those red flags were correct sadly. I hope you are keeping him sane and protected from the bad influences of his mother. I decided one day after a particularly rough therapy session discussing the D that I was not going to take his crap. I played hardball at this stage. I have been able to piece this together from what he and his sister have told me. H agreed he needed to work on himself, that he had been disengaged, and lacking in effort in the M. I said I was exhausted and beyond frustrated from doing the work of both of us in both the M, our families and the business. Thanks Universe ???? IMO he did everything he could. We applaud GoldenCHild achieving this though any means necessary. What really happened. I feel hurt, it is NOT my fing imagination, I feel hurt. I pray I can be strong for him and help teach him to forgive his mom. Lesson learned. Ive been too stressed to even take the Valium or sleeping tablets I have been prescribed as I dont even trust myself to have the bottles nearby. Its part of the emotional immaturity, ability to completely detach, or to accept any portion of the blame, for the affair. I need it to stay afloat as its my income until everything gets sorted. My son is the one most impacted by this.