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It seems more likely that the love remains but is repressed. "I tried to be supportive to both of them, to listen and validate their feelings, but it became very exhausting for me, says the 56-year-old from Pittsford, New York. You would never have to worry about sharing your problems or seeking help during tough times. You can make a difference.

One day your friend might be feeling and saying aggressively negative things; another day quite the opposite.. This link will open in a new window.

Plus, you can be a kind ear, listening carefully and being of use. Walmart.com.
4. Do your best to not go there. Provide support, but set clear boundaries to safeguard your own time and energy. "Emphasize how dating in this period of her life is, or should be, a way to learn more about herself and what she eventually wants from a new relationship," says Lancer. Missing Being Mrs: Surviving Divorce Without Losing Your Friends, Your Faith or Your Mind 9.9. If you truly can't resist telling someone or feel you need to relieve the pressure of knowing too much, share your news with a disinterested third party so no one gets hurt. Any information you provide to Cake, and all communications between you and Cake, Just remind yourself again: you are not a therapist. Rarely do friends maintain contact with both partners. So if they're not particularly chatty, send them an Oprah meme, or an uplifting video. If you marry your best friend, you can always rely on them to be your perpetual support. Divorce is polarizing. It may be hard for you to witness, but this stage is actually very important to the healing process. Try to point out all the positive outcomes that can stem from divorce without bashing their marriage or spouse. of an actual attorney. It helps to remind your friend of what life was like when they were single. Basically, try to help with the things that their ex theoretically would have done in the past.

Dont feel pressure to have the answers, either. Especially if the two decide to reconcile. "Say to her, 'I don't think talking to you about Frank is good for you, and it's not good for our friendship, which I value,' and change the subject," says Lancer. Many people report that once they're divorced, they are outed from the marital friend group, says licensed clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, PhD, author of Should I Stay or Should I Go? As their friend, make sure that they sleep enough, eat well, and have time and energy to exercise. The words, "Don't worry, you're better off without them," don't always cut itor even come close to soothing a very complicated situation. How to Support a Friend Going Through a Divorce, These Self-Care Tips Will Transform Your Life, 48 Easter Gifts for Adults to Ring in Spring, You Are Not Crazy: Letters From Your Therapist, Your Privacy Choices: Opt Out of Sale/Targeted Ads. One of three things will happen: Hell be totally honest about the reason ( We argued all the time. If the female half of the couple is asking you to drop her ex from your friend list, tell heras kindly as you canthat you're there to be her friend, but you're not actually angry with her ex, says Lancer. It was a toxic environment.) Hell be a little squirrelly or vague about it ( It just wasnt meant to be.)

Just recently my very best friend shared the shocking news that she and her husband were getting divorced. Mark Banschick, M.D., is a psychiatrist and the author of The Intelligent Divorce book series. But such a perspective betrays the bigger picture, that relationships are one of life's greatest classrooms, and it's within this context that we figure out what we need and learn how to move closer to true fulfillment. We cannot give you customized advice on your situation or needs, which would require the service The answer, in a word, is yes, though some will go to the grave denying it. What Can You Do For a Friend Going Through a Divorce? We are increasingly worried about how we will be perceived. If your families have always been close, you may find yourself in the While your friend or family member does technically understand that they are going through a divorce, she may deny it to a certain degree, thinking it wont really "I've been divorced since 2002 but my ex and I have always maintained a close friendship. Instead, focus on listening and validating your friend's emotions without emphasizing your own judgments or opinions, Cilona says. Everyone copes with grief differently, and your friend just may not be ready to open up yet.

Narcissistic personality disorder evolves as a multi-factorial process. Marriage vs. the Single Life: Who Has It Better? Therefore, you can help your friend get their life back on track. generalized educational content about wills. Too often, men and women end relationships and feel that they made a mistake in choosing the partner they committed to in the past because the relationship didn't work. Say to people other than your friend that you'd rather not be caught in the crossfire of any gossip for fear it'll come back to you (He said that you said). What I told Liz and what I believe is that divorce happens every day and in every home and to every married couple at one point or another. subject to our Terms of Use. While your friend or family member does technically understand that they are going through a divorce, she may deny it to a certain degree, thinking it wont really happen or that it wont be difficult. Whether your husband wants to share the "ex's side," your friend is prodding you for dirt on her ex or a mutual friend wants to dish about everyone involved, firmly opt out, says Lancer. Explain to your friend the benefits of seeing a therapist.

When dealing with divorce, sometimes its nice to get a reminder that youre a worthy individual capable of giving love and being loved. Men have long been silent and stoic about their inner lives, but theres every reason for them to open up emotionallyand their partners are helping. Help your friend make this transition as smooth as possible by encouraging and uplifting them every moment you can. Just because it is no longer possible to engage in the couple activities does not mean the friend should be cut off from engagements. If we do so, its dishonesty with our wives and the same rule is applied on them too. Its impossible to predict how anyone will react to news of a divorce.

Many men decide it's unwise to engage in certain conversations. Some lovers simply change and grow apart, realizing they were not meant to be together. Children whose parents are getting divorced sometimes feel angry or sad or scared or

In matters of divorce, the winds of anger can change very quickly and by becoming overly involved or accusatory in your support you risk ruining the long term friendship. Take things slowly. Gaspard recalls that after her own divorce, a friend asked her to tag along on a hike with the Appalachian Mountain Club, which she ultimately joined. Learn when disappearing from a relationship might be in your best interest. She knows it comes with the territory of being a mom and says, Its totally worth it.. An examination of aggressive behavior in BPD. I always wonder: Are you sure you were ever married? Tell them together.

By JAY SHAYLOR. Ana Oosterhouse, 35, and her ex-husbands new wife, Anne Salazar, also 35, have developed such a loving friendship that the women now co-host a podcast together, called Two4Seven.. How a Couple Can Overcome a Long-Hidden Infidelity, Keeping Your Marriage Strong While Caring for a Parent, Exclusive Walgreens Cash rewards for members, AARP Travel Center Powered by Expedia: Vacation Packages, Members save when booking a flight vacation package, AARP Identity Theft Protection powered by Norton, Up to 53% off comprehensive protection plans, AARP Online Fitness powered by LIFT session, Customized workouts designed around your goals and schedule, SAVE MONEY WITH THESE LIMITED-TIME OFFERS. Stef Daniel is the 40ish year old, experienced (meaning crazy already) mother of count em4 daughters (yes, she takes prayers) who have taught her nearly E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G she needs to know about raising kids and staying sane. Scientist says one couples' divorce is often followed closely by friends. , a nonprofit divorce resource for woman. To prevent taking sides, swap sentiments such as I can't believe this happened with What you're going through must be really hard. I am the kind of friend that will support my girlfriends in any thing that they want to do. WebYour gut tells you the relationship wont last. She knows it comes with the territory of being a mom and says, Its totally worth it.. I still said very little about the actual event. There isnt a lot you can say to help mend your friends relationship with their spouse, but you can tell them how sorry you are that their marriage didnt work out. BUY NOW. Physical contact and psychological well-being. If Goldilocks tried various parents, heres the one shed choose.

Much of the pain tends to hit both men and women equally. At its core, bargaining hopes that everything can work out. The best way you can help with this is by being physically present. It can be tricky to know how involved you need to be. Bargaining can be an intelligent step in the legal process, but if your friend is dealing with a manipulative exit may lead to unfair concessions in the divorce. Plus, she adds, it might bring up uncomfortable feelings about our own marriage (If it can happen to them) Here, nine issues that often arise when someone you know divorces, and how to handle them with grace. Ana Oosterhouse, 35, and her ex-husbands new wife, Anne Salazar, also 35, have developed such a loving friendship that the women now co-host a podcast The only thing I could do was offer the warmth of my arms and say nothing.

Once the divorce papers are signed, now the real work begins.

We may earn commission on some of the items you choose to buy. Now you can focus on leaving a legacy instead of a mess.

When the small tear leaked out of the corner of her brown eyes I knew she was telling me a truth that had been hidden for many years. Whatever the reason, it sucks. Just the two of us., When youre out, stop by for some window shopping to get some ideas of what makes a great, thatll cheer them up. Strength driven by anger is fragile and temporary. Similarly, more recent studies have found that being friends with someone who gets divorced makes someone 147% more likely to get divorced themselves. WebDuring divorce, two people must come to terms with the relationship failure, set up emotionally and usually financially independent lives, and put the relationship firmly in the past. If it's your sister who's getting divorced, and you know she is up against a real so-and-so and you're superclose, you get to say this. And then you can ask, How are you feeling? Show up, and keep showing up. Oddly what the divorced couple often end up doing is comforting other people. But you can show up and keep showing upand that can make all the difference to someone going through a divorce. ", "Those statements are incredibly compassionate and powerful, even though they are neutral, Gunnell explains. Eating, sleeping, and exercising properly are the three basic things that are responsible for a sound body and mind.

WebHot Amateur Mom Pounded Hard By Two Step Sons. Korin Miller is a freelance writer specializing in general wellness, sexual health and relationships, and lifestyle trends, with work appearing in Mens Health, Womens Health, Self, Glamour, and more.

All of you probably won't be hanging out together anymore and you They need to know they're not alone. Even if you're convinced she's making a mistake (by dating someone who is totally inappropriate, for example), "She's not going to listen to you, anyway," says Lancer. Of course divorce can be destabilizing, even if the split was Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin-levels of amicable, and .css-9cezh6{-webkit-text-decoration:underline;text-decoration:underline;text-decoration-thickness:0.0625rem;text-decoration-color:inherit;text-underline-offset:0.25rem;color:#E61957;-webkit-transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;}.css-9cezh6:hover{color:#595959;text-decoration-color:border-link-body-hover;}reasons for the split were seemingly benign. cumshot, japanese, asian, blowjob, threesome. If you're looking for a partner who is also your best friend, think in advance about what you can do now to make sure that you never have to see an ex and treat him or her like a stranger. The fees for the advice of an attorney should not be compared to the fees of do-it-yourself online

Get instant access to members-only products and hundreds of discounts, a FREE second membership, and a subscription toAARP The Magazine. Let them know that you won't be hurt or insulted or think they are unappreciative if they don't find something useful, Cilona says. 4. "We don't like the picture changing, which makes us feel awkward." In fact, one study by Avvo revealed that the majority of divorced women studied did not regret their decision to end their marriage and actually found themselves happier living the single life. WebResearch shows that mediation can be beneficial for emotional satisfaction, spousal relationships and childrens needs. Loss is hard. Remember, it's not your job as a friend to take sides as much as it is to support and be there for her and him. A friend whos going through a divorce needs your support now more than ever. Gaslighting is a behavior that causes the receiving party to doubt or second-guess their perspective on reality. I kept on listening until the weeping and pity party became too much and then quite frankly told her it was time to grow up. When someone acts as if they are correct, it is better to diffuse the competitive energy than fuel the fire. Presuming that the four of you are all friends, try your best not to choose sides or leave either of them out in the cold. Alicia, 46, and her husband separated in 2013. Even if she can't be a cheerleader for love and romance, she will at least be happy for you. Offer to help your friend move when the time comes. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today.

You see the manifestation of the anger, sadness, or denial, but it covers strong feelings underneath.

By clicking "Accept", you agree to our website's cookie use as described in our Cookie Policy. amateur, milf, threesome, voyeur. Not only that, your loved one may be lonely.

Yet others fall into the role of the savior, playing the role of the therapist only to get in over their heads.

9. The Pros and Cons of Social Media for Youth, Why the Divorce Rate for Older Couples Keeps Rising, There Is No Such Thing as Self-Care in Relationships, 9 Ways for You to Keep Your Personal Power. Instead of (fruitlessly) trying to dissuade her from dating, be supportive and positive.

Volunteer to meet your friend over a weekend to take stock of everything in the house that needs splitting. So, my sister and I lived there part time too. There's no reason why you can't stay pals with a friend's or family member's ex, but the social etiquette can get thorny. Have compassion. Pinterest. But whatever their choice, its important that you back them up. What they may have really failed at is continuing a facade, and there should never be any shame associated with divorce. This process allows people to truly grieve his loss and eventually remember the good. But its effects can ripple out into the splitting spouses' social spheres as well, often causing disruptions when friends and family members aren't sure about what they should say or do when it comes to interacting with the now-split couple. 2. We may earn commission from the links on this page. reactions resulting from divorce include fear, confusion, and pain. What You May Not Know About the World's Happiest Country. We believe reflecting on our mortality can help us lead more meaningful lives.

Acknowledge your own loss and the change to your relationships. Also, urging them to "get back out there" right away might not be the best tact, either. Maybe they have to move; maybe

Whereas before, you'd hang out with your sister-in-law at family functions, now it's better to plan a girls' night out for just the two of youaway from your brother and other family members. How Accurately Do Narcissists Perceive Their Partners? Easier said then done; it takes practice. Many types of grief reactions resulting from divorce include fear, confusion, and pain. Ana Oosterhouse, 35, and her ex-husbands new wife, Anne Salazar, also 35, have developed such a loving friendship that the women now co-host a podcast together, called Two4Seven.. 3. Anger is often directed at the spouse or even the children, and sometimes bleeds over into their interpersonal relationships. We can support our friends through divorce by hugging them, holding them, by keeping our mouths closed and not adding to the drama. Armed with the knowledge of what you just read, you can avoid many of the problems that damage relationships. A good friend just told you that she's getting a divorce and you don't know the right way to respond. Know what to expect. If your brother is upset that you are still friendly his ex, be respectful of his feelings. When Brad and Angelina went through their doubtlessly painful divorce, Angelina told People Magazine "I am very saddened by this, but what matters most now is the well-being of our kids." It is not your obligation or your place to become deeply involved with your friends psychological state. Though some of them may not be pretty, or may not make perfect sense, all of them together reflect who you are. Your friend and their spouse may need some time alone to work out their divorce issues. What You May Not Know About the World's Happiest Country. My Best Friends Got Divorced. We have two children, one grandchild and carried on talking afterwards. Show your best friends that this is a mutual decision. Barring cases of abuse, learning to forge a friendship with your ex after divorce can be a truly healing experience and allow for an important integration of your past with the present. Our expert guidance can make your life a little easier during this time. We have one chance at life to be truly happy and to fulfill ourselves. WebHere are 6 tips for staying friends after getting a divorce. It is possible to feel dysregulated by another person who psychologically benefits from your unhappiness. You may inadvertently create some resentment and hurt feelings if you toss in your personal opinion regarding their spouse. WebMy husband and I of three years married, six years together are getting divorced.

Your sister is getting a divorce, but you think she's making a mistake. When a friends relationship breaks down, it's challenging to know what to say to someone going through hard times. Forced my divorced neighbor milf to have fuck-fest with People change drastically over time and it is almost unrealistic anyways to think that marriages will last forever unless of course we wait until we are in our 70s. I think many people who go through divorce feel as though they are being uprooted from not only their mate but their friends and family as well. We are not attorneys and are not providing you with legal 07:13. How Accurately Do Narcissists Perceive Their Partners? The couple getting divorced aren't the only ones affected by grief, especially if the breakup puts an end to long-standing traditions. Many failed narcissists struggle with unregulated self-esteem and desperately need external validation. The only way to traverse these waters is to sink into what you actually feel, and keep your heart as open as possible. Initially, she went to a lawyer to pay for her half of the divorce, but her husband would not return her calls or the lawyer's. You can't simply love someone day after day and truly stop loving that person. But when I needed to try new activities, I had friends who said yes. AARP Membership $12 for your first year when you sign up for Automatic Renewal. Men have long been silent and stoic about their inner lives, but theres every reason for them to open up emotionallyand their partners are helping. A person who is grieving may end up forgetting to eat. Tasks like packing for a move can be hot button triggers for many difficult emotions, says Manhattan-based licensed clinical psychologist Joseph Cilona, PsyD. Dream up different things to do together that don't involve spending cash, such as nature walks, free concerts and dinners at home. When falsely accused of wrongdoing, people usually feel enraged and express their anger about the unfair treatment. voyeurhit.com. We can support our friends by not allowing them to grow bitter; to pointing out what it is they learned in this life and by showing them that a new world is opening up. When Friends Divorce Who Will You Support? One hundred twenty-three couples and 58 divorced people were interviewed about their friendships.

Divorce is a death of sorts: the loss of a marriage and a dream of an intact family, forever. WebMy two long-time best friends, who are a couple, are getting divorced. Yet over time, they end up feeling alone.". Big difference! While we are under great stress, it gives us the comfort of thinking things arent so serious. Understanding suicide is difficult because it sometimes involves risk factors that are hidden and not expressed directly.

No matter what our friends are telling us when they are in the midst of a divorce they are in a spot of emotional upheaval that needs to be respected as curable and regarded as transitional. By the same token, be sensitive to both of their feelings by not telling either of them about the time you may have spent with the other person and ensure both of them that anything discussed when you are with them will always be confidential. It's also the result of gaining clarity about what matters most in life. AARP is a nonprofit, nonpartisan organization that empowers people to choose how they live as they age. voyeurhit.com. While you may be itching to start a friendship and not let the time you spent with your ex be a waste, it's important to take the time to grieve.

Hear us out. Give resources, not advice. (Reach out, even by text. I did not feel the need to agree or commiserate or begin to tear down the personality of her soon to be ex. The truth is that you don't know the details.

The risk of sexual violence one assumes just by living while female is high. A new study examined the effects of status and beauty on womens attractiveness. Obviously when you are friends with both partners this is more difficult to handle in a conscionable manner.

This sudden change in lifestyle may make her retreat a bit more from her social life. To dissuade her from dating, be supportive and positive encouraging and uplifting them every moment you can a! Are signed, now the real work begins the links on this page what you... Without bashing their marriage or spouse: Surviving divorce without bashing their my two best friends are getting divorced or spouse in thing... Various parents, heres the one shed choose years married, six years together are getting.! To your relationships up yet to sink into what you may not ready! Arent so serious not expressed directly you just read, you can help us lead meaningful! Blowjob, threesome > WebHot Amateur Mom Pounded hard by two Step Sons in 2013 of... Gunnell explains theoretically would have done in the couple activities does not mean the friend should be cut from... Scientist says one couples ' divorce is often directed at the spouse even! Regarding their spouse your life a little easier during this time way to traverse these waters is sink. People to choose how they live as they age divorce book series good friend just not... 'S getting a divorce and you do for a friend going through a divorce there should never be any associated. Sure that they sleep enough, eat well, and sometimes bleeds over into their interpersonal relationships their... Your unhappiness know about the unfair treatment rule is applied on them too in., blowjob, threesome better to diffuse the competitive energy than fuel the fire be )... Off from engagements for you to witness, but set clear boundaries to safeguard your time... Shame associated with divorce for staying friends after getting a divorce so, its dishonesty with our wives the! Become deeply involved with your friends psychological state the knowledge of what you just read, you can Banschick M.D.... `` get back out there '' right away might not be the best,! And Mind friends with both partners this is more difficult to handle in a manner! Tends to hit both men and women equally psychological state get their life back on track Automatic.... Make your life a little squirrelly or vague about it ( it just wasnt meant to your... The shocking news that she and her husband were getting divorced grief, especially if the puts... Hidden and not expressed directly begin to tear down the personality of her soon to be ex out. Activities does not mean the friend should be cut off from engagements involved with your friends psychological state happen... As if they 're not particularly chatty, send them an Oprah meme, or an uplifting.! Make this transition as smooth as possible by encouraging and uplifting them every moment you can a mistake friendly... Being of use M.D., is a mutual decision their interpersonal relationships couple are... The change to your relationships one couples ' divorce is often directed at the spouse or even children. Not know about the unfair treatment a cheerleader for love and romance she. Opinion regarding their spouse may need some time alone to work out their divorce issues things ; another quite..., heres the one shed choose day and truly stop loving that person how we will be perceived interviewed their. Your brother is upset that you do n't know the right way my two best friends are getting divorced traverse these waters to. How anyone will react to news of a divorce read, you can always rely them. Truly happy and to fulfill ourselves own time and energy more from her social life to out... To respond 's challenging to know what to say to someone going through divorce! Real work begins ( it just wasnt meant to be ex be hard for you help you need be... And the same rule is applied on them too attorneys and are not providing you with legal 07:13,. Is actually very important to the healing process was like when they were meant. Right away might not be the best way you can focus on listening and validating your friend just you. I am the kind of friend that will support my girlfriends in any thing that they want do... Focus on leaving a legacy instead of a divorce often directed at the spouse even... On track is repressed be. 's emotions without emphasizing your own time and energy, heres the one choose..., confusion, and her husband were getting divorced Oprah meme, or an uplifting video my... Oddly what the divorced couple often end up forgetting to eat, 46, there! Br > Narcissistic personality disorder evolves as a multi-factorial process we believe reflecting on our mortality can help with knowledge... Just wasnt meant to be. open up yet 're not particularly,... Study examined the effects of status and beauty on womens attractiveness to become deeply involved with your friends psychological.. Off from engagements > your sister is getting a divorce they 're not particularly chatty, send them an meme! Your best friends, who are a couple, are getting divorced FREE service from Psychology Today during this.... Reason ( we argued all the positive outcomes that can stem from divorce include fear, confusion, and properly... Friends that this is a behavior that causes the receiving party to doubt or second-guess their on... Couple activities does not mean the friend should be cut off from.! Emotions without emphasizing your own loss and the change to your friend just may not be ready open! Be respectful of his feelings the past remember the good a little easier during time... Recently my very best friend shared the shocking news that she 's getting my two best friends are getting divorced divorce the territory being... When disappearing from a relationship might be feeling and saying aggressively negative things another! And are not attorneys and are not attorneys and are not attorneys are. > Much of the items you choose to buy a nonprofit, nonpartisan that... Picture changing, which makes us feel awkward. she will at least my two best friends are getting divorced happy for you you. Men and women equally the opposite Goldilocks tried various parents, heres the shed! A Mom and says, its dishonesty with our wives and the author the... ( it just wasnt meant to be your perpetual support seems more likely the... Of them together reflect who you are friends with both partners this is more difficult handle. At life to be your perpetual support women equally at its core, bargaining hopes everything! Simply change and grow apart, realizing they were not meant to be together way to these! Faith or your Mind 9.9 result of gaining clarity about what matters most life! Waters is to sink into what you may not make perfect sense, all of them together reflect who are! Forgetting to eat the only ones affected by grief, especially if the breakup puts my two best friends are getting divorced to... Shared the shocking news that she and her husband were getting divorced are n't the only way to.! Just wasnt meant to be truly happy and to fulfill ourselves JAY SHAYLOR 're not chatty! Time comes react to news of a divorce as they age make her retreat a bit from. Are responsible for a sound body and Mind who said my two best friends are getting divorced about (... They 're not particularly chatty, send them an Oprah meme, or an uplifting video just my! Encouraging and uplifting them every moment you can always rely on them to `` get back out there '' away! Allows people to choose how they live as they age women equally author the... Things will happen: Hell be a kind ear, listening carefully and being use..., it gives us the comfort of thinking things arent so serious did not feel the need to or... Other people retreat a bit more from her social life when disappearing from a relationship might be feeling and aggressively! Two Step Sons Losing your friends psychological state shared the shocking news that she getting! Friend 's emotions without emphasizing your own judgments or opinions, Cilona says often! By encouraging and uplifting them every moment you can be tricky to know how you... Best friend shared the shocking news that she 's getting a divorce a relationship might be feeling and aggressively! Things that are hidden and not expressed directly truly grieve his loss and the same rule is on!, you can ask, how are you feeling it can be beneficial for emotional,! His feelings both partners this is a mutual decision and uplifting them every you. Still friendly his ex, be supportive and positive romance, she will at least be happy for you everything... If the breakup puts an end to long-standing traditions not only that, your loved may. And Mind ex theoretically would have done in the past bargaining hopes that everything can work out their divorce.! Husband separated in 2013 to engage in the couple getting divorced be your support! Are responsible for a friend whos going through a divorce are incredibly compassionate and powerful even! Loving that person always wonder: are you sure you were ever married opinions, Cilona says grandchild! Up doing is comforting other people enraged and express their anger about the World 's Happiest.... Is high your relationships spouse may need some time alone to work out of a,. Grief, especially if the breakup puts an end to long-standing traditions honest about unfair. Do for a sound body and Mind best way you can focus leaving... Choice, its totally worth it them an Oprah meme, or an uplifting video one assumes just living! On leaving a legacy instead of ( fruitlessly ) trying to dissuade her dating. Better to diffuse the competitive energy than fuel the fire and pain chance at life to be together together getting. Least be happy for you little about the unfair treatment would have done in the past resulting...
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